Projekt ☆M@rlene☆

The return to school was marked by a surprise.

On Friday morning I gave up the ritual of breakfast and showed up in the classroom well in advance: I wanted to avoid meeting too many people, two in particular.
As I dropped my backpack heavily on the floor, I noticed a small shiny box resting on the desk.
It was accompanied by a very cute micro drone, whose nose was flashing.

It was enough to pick it up for it to reproduce the message entrusted to it, “Hi Marlene, I’m so sorry about everything. I hope you feel better, and that this little gift will make you smile again, a kiss, A.”
I opened the little box, and found a beautiful heart-shaped ‘HappyVibes’ in it.
They are pendants that detect, through heart frequencies, the mood of the wearer. Then they release micro frequencies that are used to bring the body and mind back to its original state of balance.
They can also be programmed to play your favorite pieces of music depending on how you feel.
I had always wanted one, but they cost a lot of points, and because I was losing so many almost every week with my behavior, I had never been able to afford one.
It was a thought of Anya of course, who had known for months how much I had wanted one of these little objects.
Despite my gratitude for the gift, however, I didn’t feel like forgetting what had happened so quickly.
In fact, I was sure I didn’t want to at all; I had realized that with my old best friend there was less and less in common, and that our differences in vision at Alma Mater could in no way be reconciled.
It had been a sweet gesture in any case, and I could not be so rude as not to reply.
I then recorded a new message, “Thank you for the beautiful gift. I was very hurt by it too, and I’m sorry I said those mean things to you. Maybe later we will laugh about it, but for now I prefer to continue not seeing each other. Maybe we are only capable of hurting each other right now. Bye, take care, a kiss.”
Having received the embassy, the micro drone resumed its flight to Anya on its own.
All excited I immediately put on the pendant and discovered that a song had already been recorded on it, ‘Never Alone Until Apocalypse Come,’ a song I love madly but never knew Anya liked..

In terms of music, our tastes could not have been more different.
I concluded that she had really gone out of her way to give me a great gift.
The morning continued as boring as one would expect a day at school to be.
For me, it was even worse, since I was anticipating when I could sling myself over to Masao’s house and finally meet my parrot!
When the bell rang to announce the lunch break, I went to the dining hall annoyed. Generally the food is pretty lousy; we need more like hyper-nutritious, easily digestible mash-ups to make sure that we don’t feel weighed down and sleepy for the afternoon hours, which generally include a whole series of labs and require a great deal of attention.
My role as a Gamete Donor allows me to duck out twice a week at this time, sparing me the depressing ritual of school feeding, but today it was my turn.
So I was standing in line waiting for my turn when I saw the micro-drone from this morning flying toward me.
It landed on my shoulder, pulsing blue light.
Once I was served I looked for a quiet place away from prying ears, wondering what Anya had to add.
I hadn’t even glimpsed her yet in the corridors of the Institute.
As I busily scanned the room, I ended up on Amber, who spilled her lunch.
I mumbled an apology to her, helping her clean up the mess.
She merely blushed as she lowered her gaze, and once everything was fixed, she ran off without uttering a word.

Anya was not with her, yet they had been each other’s shadows lately.
That they had quarreled? Unlikely, and why then?
Surely she had told her everything.
Maybe it was Amber who had suggested the gift and texting move?
But then, what difference did it make if I didn’t want to renew that friendship?
I sat down and began to sip the thick purple slop in front of me, listening to the new recording, “I hear you. It’s ok to take your time. I hope to see you soon, A.”
Somehow the message disappointed me. Maybe I expected her to insist on seeing me again and not give in so easily to my wishes, I don’t know.
“Go back to Anya I have nothing to add “I said to the drone, but it did not move.
Then suddenly I understood; it wasn’t from Anya. She was not really at school.
The gift and the messages were from Amber.
Instinctively I took off the pendant and shoved it into my pocket.
For what reason was Amber giving me gifts and feeling sorry for my stresses? My paranoid thoughts were right and she was trying to get into my good graces and then spill my secrets to her father?
After lunch we had experimental chemistry, and I found myself working right next to her.
We continued not to speak to each other, and I noticed that she was embarrassed and blushed thickly whenever she crossed my gaze.

Despite this, Amber in her work was precise and very good; I had never noticed this before, but she was really smart and kind when someone asked her for clarification or help.
Finally the end of class came; I dumped everything into my backpack and rushed to the exit, anxious to get to the woods where Pedersen lived as soon as possible.
I was so excited that I did not notice that I was being followed.
It was only when I was very close to my destination, where the towering buildings inhabited by the creme de la creme of Alma Mater and the first silent trees of the forest met, that I heard a voice behind me.
“Sorry. Marlene.”

I turned sharply, “What are you doing here!” It was Amber.
“I..excuse me. I know you want to be alone. I just wanted to.. I mean, maybe at some point you want to talk…. To vent. I thought if you agree I can program the drone to respond to you too..”
“Sorry but why are you suddenly so interested in me? You never liked me..”
“That’s not true. I like you a lot. I like your posts about what you read.. Just.. I kind of have a hard time opening up to others. So when Anya wanted to be my friend I was really happy because I thought I would get to know you too.”
“Anya and I are no longer friends.”
“I’m so sorry, I really am. But that doesn’t stop us from being friends. If you want to, of course.”
I clumsily shrugged my shoulders, “I don’t know.”
“Don’t worry. I won’t stress you any more from now on. When you’re ready you can call the drone, okay?”
A brief silence followed, “Speaking of reading. You haven’t posted anything for a long time. I am envious of your courage.. I could never make it to clone my parent’s Platinum Pass to read censored books, although I would like to do so.”
“Oh. Thank you. No, I don’t post anymore.. I just.. I have too much to do, you see.”
“I understand. I’m leaving now. So bye, see ya” She turned around smiling and ran off.
I remained interjected. What had always made me consider Amber boring and bigoted was probably prejudice.
I had to acknowledge that Anya, when she had called me conceited, may have been partly right.
I resumed walking slowly to Masao’s house, but still thinking about what had happened: Amber seemed like a helpful and sensitive person, but I could not fully trust her.
In any case, my priorities for the moment were other than making new friends or going out to have fun. It was better to let some time pass and evaluate things slowly.

When I arrived at my destination, I noticed that the professor’s little house had undergone some changes: there were flower pots on the patio and new flowering plants in the back garden as well, where his vegetable garden was located.
I decided to show up at the back door, just so I could walk down the small, bumpy stone driveway and enjoy the beauty of that little piece of land.
Again I was amazed at all the care Masao put into his work.
His garden was happy, that was what that place conveyed to me.
Sometimes I am not sure if I am using the correct words when it comes to feelings or emotions. In my life all these emotional nuances are not really recognizable. Have I ever been truly afraid? Have I ever been truly happy? Have I ever really loved someone?
By now you know that any manifestation of these feelings, if it is sharp or if it leads to consequences deemed dangerous to the stability of our society is prosecuted and condemned. The AI’s that monitor our lives to make it safe and comfortable are constantly warning and admonishing us from childhood, consequently we grow up stifling everything we feel, ending up living in a hazy state of torpor.
The anger felt with Anya, the frustration and nausea felt during my swearing-in, the excitement of meeting Julianne, the joy I felt because of the parrot, the gratitude and tenderness toward the professor perhaps were my first recognizable feelings.
I was amazed that my virtual assistant did not spend his days peppering me with notifications and questions about it, although he had done so from time to time.
I knocked on the little door, and as I waited for Pedersen to open it for me, I bent down to observe little purple flowers that seemed to be protecting themselves under fleshy, deep green leaves. They looked like shy little faces. They were very pretty indeed.
I was so focused on observing them that I did not notice Masao, who opened the doorway and crouched down next to me, “They are violets. A little plant that is very dear to me and smells delicious. Smell it.”
I bent down even more: it was true, the scent was truly heavenly.
“Do you like it?”
“So much. It is amazing that such a small flower is able to produce such a good smell.. Like the egg, insignificant but from which a parrot comes out.”
“Nature is a generous and imaginative artist. And also cruel. But these two aspects should not be separate if one want to respect her.. We have decided to do so anyway, and now we live in an illusion of beauty that is a parody of life. Come, I had just put the water on to heat for tea.”

The little house was chaotic as usual, but I had grown so accustomed to it that I found that clutter welcoming. From a corner of the living room came a horrible screech: “The baby is very hungry, as you can see. These chicks eat often and don’t allow delays…. Now it will be your turn to feed him, so you take the opportunity to get acquainted.”
Masao handed me a jar of thick, yellow mash, and escorted me in the direction from which the cries came; on a threadbare blanket, warmed by two glowing lamps, stood a hideous, wrinkled creature, with sparse frizzy, grayish plumage covering its mangy body.

It was nothing like the magnificent birds I had admired at Council Park.
I looked at Masao in dismay, but he burst into a hearty laugh, “Don’t make that face, Marlene. He is still very small. It will take some time for his plumage to become the spectacular plumage of adults, but already in the next few weeks he will become more…graceful. Come, now I’ll show you how to feed him.”
As soon as the professor shoved a stick well coated with mash down the chick’s throat, it shut up, making a series of funny movements with its disproportionately long neck to swallow the morsel. Then it was my turn to do so, while Masao gave me directions not to injure the bird’s delicate esophagus.
I enjoyed taking care of such a helpless creature.
Immediately after the meal, the baby bird lost its balance and collapsed on its bed, falling asleep, or so it seemed.
“Well done, my dear. Now we can enjoy a little time to talk. How about sitting outside in the sunshine?”
“Good idea.”
We then took a seat on the wooden steps overlooking the vegetable garden, sipping the fragrant tea, “Tell me, is there any news?”
“Oh yes. Do you want to hear the good ones or the bad ones first?”
“I would say the bad ones, so we get them out of the way.”
“My mother wants a second child, and she plans to use my genetic material…. And hers. When I told her I disagreed, she requested an interview with a Moral Ethics Vigilante. This is in addition to the questioning I will have to do since my liaison to the Council suspects that my mind has become corrupted as a result of reading the pre-2030 works.”
Masao let out a whistle of astonishment.
“Yeah. The one who will be questioning me is actually my contact person, a certain Immanuel Lynch…. Have you ever heard of him?”
“Unfortunately yes Marlene, he was a prominent figure in the Army and served in several Lager Cities. A soulless man, trained as a fighting machine. I think it was your mother who brought him to the Council. I guess she thought him a valuable ally there as well as on the battlefield.”
“How do I pass the interrogation? I’m afraid, I think.”
“You have a reason to be. I don’t think there is any really good advice. Given your age, I would suggest that you play the innocence card: be surprised at the charges, maybe corroborate some of the lesser ones, and accept some guilt, showing repentance. I think that’s the sensible thing to do.”
“Then I could use the fear and nervousness to my advantage.”
“Exactly. Even AI, no matter how advanced, cannot recognize the different nuances of an emotion. So better not to deny anything. Besides, a subject like Lynch would find out immediately that you’re lying.”
“And how should I deal with Mom? What she’s doing… I don’t know. I find it terribly wrong.”
Masao plucked a violet by twirling the slender stem between his fingers, occasionally inhaling the flower’s scent. He waited a while before speaking, “At the time when I presented my dossier to the Council to condemn the reproductive policies adopted by the government, ethical issues were at the heart of my concerns. Naturally, I was not listened to and was asked to leave, insisting that from then on I accept minor and tightly controlled assignments. As you know, even as a teacher it did not work out…. These are the drifts that worried me: a son obtained from an egg of the ‘daughter’ and from artificially reconstructed fragments of male gametes of the transsexual ‘mother’.” He shook his head, “You will have to swallow this bitter pill and accept what will happen, my friend. You have no way to intervene.”
I already knew that, of course. What could I possibly do?
I let a few seconds pass, then asked, “Was Julianne Amato also asked to leave, or did she leave of her own free will?”
Masao smiled mockingly, and winked, “Someone poked carefully through the old government website…. Well, well. Julianne left of her own free will, and did not agree to move to Alma Mater. I’ve lost track of her for quite a while now.”

“She changed her name and is a gynecologist at Purgatory No. 2. I made contact with her. I.. I have a virtual visit scheduled.”
“Ah, very well then. Give her my regards. Julianne has to change her name every few months, and also her place of work I think. At the time she was afraid they might track her down and force her to live here under constant surveillance. She is a woman who has never compromised, at least not for a long time.”
“Were you friends?”
“We were colleagues. But we shared a desire to give new hope to our civilization. A new future. All of us had lost who and what we held most dear, a new beginning was needed. At first we thought this was our assignment, at least. The New Order prided itself on this project: a commitment to create a united world under one banner, with the values of inclusion and merit at its core. We could not have known what it would become. And by the time we realized it, it was too late. We had fed the monster with our knowledge by starting a road to no return to madness. I can never forgive myself for what I have done.”
He fell silent, absorbed in his thoughts.
As I let my gaze wander over the lush greenery of the garden, I was reminded of that girl, Anne Marie, whose image he kept.
Pedersen had said he didn’t want to talk about her, weeks before, but perhaps it was the right time to ask him more. I plucked up courage: “I don’t want to sound rude, but among what you lost.. Anne Marie was also there, wasn’t she?”
Masao’s eyes became watery.
I tried to apologize, but he interrupted me with a gesture, “Anne was the love of my life. She died in November 2029, just before the fiercest confrontation ever seen up to that time broke out. The world was already ravaged by several wars, of course, it always had been, but that started the chain of events that brought us here. Anyway, Anne died because we couldn’t treat a pneumonia. At that time it was very difficult to find even the most trivial medicines, the big interest groups made them unavailable to keep the population in a constant state of stress and fear. First had come the control of food and water distribution, before that energy resources, and before that the virus… Every year a different emergency..” He sighed.

“Anne.. Was she beautiful?”
“She was beautiful. The picture you saw I took on our wedding day. We got married because I had to leave for Russia and be away for a year. All this was for a clinical study that was too important to pass up, even though she was pregnant. We had found out just two months before. As a married man I was going to have a chance to come home on leave at least to witness the birth of my son, and so we decided.”
His voice choked, “But then it happened. Anne was in her fifth month. She used to tell me how serene she was and how she felt full of energy after the period of nausea. During an ultrasound, however, it was discovered that the placenta had abnormalities, and the doctors did not know how serious they might be. Anne said she had faith that everything would be all right; she felt that our baby was safe. But a few weeks later, our baby died.”

Tears streamed down the old man’s hollowed cheeks, slow tears.
Masao’s hands trembled slightly and had dropped the delicate violet to the ground.
Instinctively I took them in mine, feeling so bad for him.
No wonder he didn’t want to talk about her. I felt lousy for making him relive all that pain. But the professor, pulling up his nose, continued, “We never fully recovered from that loss, and never tried again to have another child. I did, however, specialize in reproductive techniques and the treatment of prenatal malformations…. It was a way to make sense of that tragedy, I suppose. Colin, that was our baby’s name, had inspired and guided me, enabling me to save hundreds of young lives. At least, I liked to think of it that way.”
He picked up the violet: “On our little boy’s tiny grave, violets like these began to grow spontaneously. They became Anne’s favorite flowers, and of course, mine too. It was as if the earth itself was trying to console us for the loss.”
Masao gave me a tired apologetic smile, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you, but this is the story of my life. A life that with the death of Colin and then Anne seemed to have completely lost its meaning.”
“And so when you started working with the New Order, you thought you had found another one?”
“Exactly. I was a zealous servant of the New Government for several years. Exactly like Julianne, who was much younger than me, and just as blind.”
“What would Anne Marie have thought of that? Did she ever wonder?”
“You know, Anne was a very spiritual person, she had an unshakable faith. She believed that man could only clumsily intervene in God’s work by making disasters, and that he should be more modest…. She was the opposite of me, who had labored all my life to make us as much like the deity as possible. And I’ll tell you, today I think Anne was right.”
“What is God?”
“A lifetime would not be enough perhaps to explain it. A very long time ago, before the tools for scientific research were developed, in order to find an answer to the eternal question of the meaning of his own existence and that of the world in which he lived, man relied on the belief that there were entities responsible for such phenomena. A consciousness that would create the reality in which he lived and know its every secret. Subsequently, each culture developed different versions of God, some even had several. Such beliefs did not die out even when science began to explain the origin and reality of the universe. Those who were believers insisted that science could not explain everything. There was always a margin of the unknown and miraculous in what surrounded us, a mystery so splendid that one could only admire and be grateful for. Even pain had to have a reason, to strip us of our false beliefs and help us transcend the material aspect of existence by bringing us closer to our matrix, unconditional love. That is, the essence of God himself.”

“I don’t think I understand it well.”
“It is a very difficult concept to understand, my dear. Perhaps you should read the sacred texts to understand more about it. But the New Order has destroyed them all, and if anyone dared to remember God today, he would be immediately executed. The idea of spiritual transcendence is probably the biggest taboo in our society.”
“God would create a reality for us to live in? Like a simulation.”
“Yes, sort of. For some cultures it was really like this: this reality would just be a simulation in which we play a role. We are not really ‘us.’ Our true reality would be that of one universal consciousness, which decides to descend into the simulation to know itself”
“Yes, I once saw a movie, ‘The Matrix,’ which was based on this idea. And I once read a book, ‘Siddhartha,’ in which they talk about reality as a simulation that produces pain. Maybe I start to understand. I think.”
“I’m surprised they haven’t destroyed them…. They probably assume that by now the idea of God has been eradicated and no one can really understand it.”
“You said earlier that Colin’s death had allowed you to discover how to help so many other children. For you, grief had made sense. So you had given up imagining man as a deity and believing in a real God.”
“That was perhaps the first moment in my life when I had to turn my eyes.. Higher let’s say. The mere reality of the world could not suffice, that’s right. But I will tell you, I don’t know if I could have ever considered myself religious.”
“Did many people believe?”
“Well religion was a cornerstone of most cultures, although in the last decades before the revolution it had lost a lot of importance. Religious institutions themselves collaborated in the fall of their beliefs. On my part I guess it was a definite desire to strip man of all hope, all cultural roots, and leave him at the mercy of a meaningless world to be afraid of.”
“So you could control it better.”
“Precisely. A terrified population will self-destruct, seeing enemies everywhere. At that point anything that offers a chance of salvation can be imposed. That is how the New Order crept into the social fabric, conquering it. It was a definite design, carried out by who knows how many generations of plutocrats.”
Inside the little house, the parrot had begun to bark again, “Well, that’s enough for today. Our little guy requires our intervention.”
This time I fed the baby all by myself, and Masao gave me many compliments on my gentleness. In the end, the little bird didn’t even seem so ugly anymore.
“What do you plan to name it? You have to give it a name.”
I did not need to think about it at all: “There is a painting by an artist I like very much…. Kahlo.. Frida Kahlo. She made crazy paintings, like colorful dreams full of animals. Some canvases, on the other hand, look like nightmares of loneliness. Anyway, in this painting she self-portrayed herself in the company of a parrot named Bonito.. I could call him that, Bonito.”

“That seems very apt. So, Bonito, satisfied with your name?”
And Bonito made a little guttural, saturated cry. I gently stroked his sketchy plumage.
I will take care of you and we will be friends, I thought.
Meanwhile, the sky above Alma Mater turned pink, predictable and aseptic, to remind us that the day was ending.
The inhabitants would, as always, retire to their beautiful homes, and eat a meal prepared by androids with ingredients whose names and origins they knew not. They would then have donned viewers that projected Council communiqués and cruel reality shows, where other humans were willing to do anything to have the privilege of one day living a protected and useless life as their audience, governed by algorithms and mindless rules, but forever exempt from the need to think.
And so it would be forever.
But not for me.